Reflections

I can hardly believe that I began my endurance running journey (again) 10 years ago this week. It was one of those decisions that has profoundly shaped my life over the last decade.

In the fall of 2017 I started running covertly. Going for a short run in the park or neighborhood to see how far I could go without walking. Building up to 3-4 miles and in my head the dream of a half marathon just months away. I signed up for a training program then told the hubby that Tuesday nights and Saturday mornings would be "Mom time" for the next few months. The kids were in Kindergarten and second grade at a new school. My husband had been at his new job working out of town as a firefighter for over a year. I had stopped working at a job where who you knew was more important than the job you did. I needed to feel like me and running has given me that feeling since I was in second grade when you have no idea what runners high is you just feel like you can run forever and even when it hurts it feels like you're more free and you than you've ever felt before. Oh how I missed running.

I took a long hiatus after my melanoma diagnosis in 1993 because you know, someone saying you have cancer evokes fear that's hard to explain but wow... finding running again led me on a journey of thousands of miles on the roads and trails, too many bibs and medals and finish lines to count with people who started as strangers and ended as amazing friends along the way. In the coming weeks I'll also share with you some of the memories of those miles and memories and how they shaped who I am today. But no place to start is better than the beginning.  The new beginning on this journey, but be aware... flashbacks happen.

Those first 6 miles with Fleet Feet Chico were beyond my  and I literally fell into the doorway at that tiny store on 3rd street on January 5th 2008. I've learned so much about running since then, about the body's ability to adapt, about whats its capable of, how to fuel it, how to recover, how to set goals and and set a plan and execute them. I had to retrain my thoughts  to push some of those negative, angry, unworthy thoughts aside for a little while as I ran. That runners high was more than an endorphin rush... it was peace, it was healing, it was growing, it was an accomplishment I had rarely fully felt the first 30 years of my life. Little did I know that over the next decade of running it would help me accept the wins and accomplishments I'd been denying myself in my marriage, parenthood, friendships before I found running. I learned more about accepting myself over those thousands of miles of running and coaching and empowering others while in truth, I was empowering myself.

My first half marathon Bidwell Classic just weeks before my 30th birthday

So in so many miles I found more than the internal acceptance I had been looking for... I found AMAZING friendship and love. I found people who loved my flaky, scared, silly, along for the ride but lets not get too crazy side. I learned about good food and learned that i still know nothing about good wine but I know people who do so they will take care of me. I saw my husband, parents, sister and kids watch me find myself and be proud of my dedication as well as my accomplishment. I dreamed big, run big miles, stood in freezing cold creeks and lakes, I toed lines, set paces then I leaned how to teach others how to reach their goals and my world opened up on a new level. 10 years later I'm back at that starting line... training. In so many ways I'm starting over.